Trapped In The Past: Pain Feels Like Home

th Power (: 00:02

Welcome back to the podcast. I'm your host, 44th Power. And today I wanna discuss in this episode, pain and suffering. Pain.

All of us have experienced pain, right? Whether it's childhood pain, through childhood trauma, whether it's pain from a family member, right? Some act of betrayal, right? Whether it's pain from a spouse. Sometimes you have spousal abuse. Sometimes you have infidelity, right? Whether it's pain from a...

coworker or colleague, right? There's different angles of pain that you can experience, right? And a lot of times what happens is we feel that pain and a lot of times we become comfortable in that pain, right? So what do you mean? Right? So you may ask, what do you mean comfortable? Well,

We don't want to change. Right. And a lot of times through our pain, what happens is we become victims. Right. We have a mindset of a victim through our pain. Right. The pain that was afflicted upon us, our bodies become comfortable in it. We don't want to remove ourselves from the pain. We keep going back to the past. We keep revisiting that pain.

Trust me, I know I've been there with you, right? I'm in the trenches just like you. However, it comes a point of time in our lives where we have to say, I will no longer allow that pain to have a hold on me, right? I will no longer have that pain to have a spot in my life where I'm stuck in depression, right? I'm having suicidal thoughts.

I don't want to leave the house.

I don't want to do anything except sit here and suffer in my pain. Right? When we suffer, technically we're revisiting the pain. The pain has already happened. But when we suffer, right? We're revisiting the pain. This is why we suffer. Because we go back and we relive the past.

Not understanding the past is the past. We can't change the past, but we can move forward and let the past be a testimony to us. A lot of times we're not realizing the past is shaping us. It's molding us together for the future. We have a greater purpose, right? And in order for us to step into that purpose, we have to experience pain.

We have to experience suffering, right? Therefore, when we experience the pain, when we experience the suffering, we understand it. And a lot of times that can elevate us on a conscious level to have the empathy that we need, right? Because sometimes you have people that lacks empathy, right? We have some people when they're stuck in their pain, when they're suffering in their pain,

They become numb to the world. Right. They become numb to feelings. And I think I was there growing up off my experience, right? Through the foster care and being physically and mentally abused by my foster mother. I believe I kind of, I kind of became numb to pain. Right. It got to a point where I was used to it. I thought it was normal.

If you're not aware of anything else, think the reality that you're in, you think it's normal. And so that's why I was an experience and that's why I experienced suffering. Because I thought the pain was normal and I kept revisiting the pain. I kept making mistakes based off the pain that I experienced. But as I grew,

there was a transformation that took place, right?

there was a change that had to happen. I realized the pain is the past. I can't change the past. What happened to me growing up was not my fault. What happened to you growing up is not your fault, right? But we do have a due diligence to change some of the things, some of the things that has happened to us, right? However, we do have a due diligence

To what? Heal from the things that has happened to us, right? Those shadows that was cast upon our lives, right? We have a due diligence to do the shadow work in order to heal. And part of the shadow work is realizing, look, I cannot change the past. By me living in the past, I can't move forward to the future. My heart is still heavy, so I can't open it up to the future. I can't open it up.

to the spouse that's waiting for me on the other side to heal because I'm too stuck in the pain of the past. I'm suffering. I can't receive that new job because I'm still stuck in the pain from the past of not being hired for the other job that I went for. You see? I can't heal from the childhood trauma, right? And elevate in life.

Because I'm too stuck what? Living in the past.

Pain is just the past, right? Pain is just the past. However, we make our bed in the past. We build our home in the past, right? We're comfortable in the past. When you're comfortable in the past, you don't wanna look to the future. And when you're comfortable in the past, like I said earlier, you play the victim, right?

You then develop a victim mentality, right? And some people develop what? A narcissistic mentality, right? And some people like myself develop what? A toxic empath mentality, right? You got that, I had that toxic empath mentality where I was self-sabotaging myself to make sure other people were okay.

And that's crazy. I was self-sabotaging myself to make sure the man standing next to me is okay. But at the end of the day, I'm in pain that I haven't dealt with, therefore I'm still suffering. But I'm trying to mask it by doing what? People pleasing. However, the pain is still there, because I haven't what? Dealt with the shadows, right? But as I started to deal with the shadows, that pain slowly started going away.

I slowly started healing, right? And then what? I became a better version of myself, right? I was able to step into my power because I healed from the past, right? And my last experience with my ex-wife, she helped me heal from the past, right? Not in the sense as to...

caring for me or making sure you not have the tools that I need to heal. But her treating me the way she did opened my eyes to I need to accept something greater for myself. And don't get it twisted. I'm not innocent in the whole ordeal as well, right? But I'm just speaking from a standpoint of healing, right? Healing from my childhood trauma, right? She aided me. She helped me do that, right? By what?

treated me the way she did, which then what? Caused me to raise awareness and say, I need something different. I want something different. I want to experience something different. Right? This can't be all, this can't be it. Right? So once I healed from my past through tribulations in my adulthood, right? Through lessons in my adulthood that I was able to say, okay, what can I learn from this? Right? And as I learned,

that allowed me to heal from the past, right? I did the meditations, right? I did the breath work, right? Right? And so as I started elevating and I started elevating even higher, I was able to heal from the past, not live in the past. Some people like suffering, right? You know people right now that love suffering.

They may act like they don't like suffering, but they like suffering. How do I know? In a sense, I did too, right? I liked pleasing other people and putting myself to the back. And I had to say no more of that, right? No more of that. Cause in order for me to step into my power, I have to begin to hate suffering, right? Pain is a school master, right? Pain is a,

gateway or portal to something greater if you see the lesson in the pain, right? Pain is not but awareness from God trying to get you to see something. That's all it is, right? But if you don't see the lesson in it, you'll see that pain as the world is out to get me. Why can't I experience a supportive spouse? Well, there's something you need to fix within yourself first. Remember.

We attract what we are, right? There's something within yourself that needs to be healed. And the moment you start pouring positivity into your own cup, you're gonna attract positivity right back to you. And the things that's being negative towards you, gonna do what? Fall off, right? So what we're gonna do is we're gonna stop living in the past, right? We're gonna learn that, hey, yeah, I see what happened to me.

Right? You did things to me when I was younger, right? Or you did things to me when we were married, right? Or you did things to me when we were older as siblings, right? Or your mother may have done things to you, your father may have done things to you, right? Yeah, you did. Right? But what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna use that pain as strength, right? And I'm gonna use that pain as strength and what I'm gonna do, become a better person from it, right? I'm gonna become a better person from it, right? I'm gonna become a legend, right?

I'ma become a legend, right? Thank you for doing what you've done. Now I'ma flip that and become a legend, right? I'ma use it for good. I'm not sitting here in misery. I'm not sitting in here in depression. I'm not sitting here with suicidal thoughts. I am going to do what? Become a legend from this pain, right? The things that I experienced in life, I'ma tell others about, right?

because somebody today as I record this podcast is experiencing some trauma as well, whether some childhood trauma, whether some family trauma, right? They're experiencing pain, right? So down the line, when they're called to take that journey, this video may help them, just as it's helping you, right? Help me as well. I can always go back and visit this, my children, right?

So we gonna take that pain and we gonna turn it into good, right? We gonna stop suffering, right? We're gonna stop living in the past. The future's bright for you. You're not.

You're not at fault for what took place in your life. You're not at fault. Don't blame yourself. Don't be angry towards anyone. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for not being stronger. Right? If you let people manipulate you, if you let people push you around, forgive yourself. Hey, I'm sorry. I wasn't stronger, man. Hey, but I'm going to do better. Right? I love you and I'm going to do better. Tell yourself that in the mirror. I love you and I'm going to do better. I'm going to do better today. Right?

You're only in competition with yourself, right? You're trying to be better than you was yesterday, that's all. You're trying to be better than you was yesterday. You're only in competition with self. I love you and I forgive you, right? Tell yourself that every day, right? But today we're to be stronger, right? I got you, right? The things that you went through, you telling your past self, I got you, right? Right? What you went through in the past, you shake me for who I am today, right?

and we gonna be legends when I'm right? Right? So, hey, we gonna take this pain, we gonna utilize it for good, right? We gonna stop suffering.

We're gonna stop suffering. We're gonna realize that in order for me to step into my power, in order for me to walk in my purpose, because people's waiting for me.

a year from now, six months from now, three months from now, tomorrow, somebody's waiting for you to do what? Step into your power, right? Like the old saying goes, does a tree eat its own fruit? So when you step into your power, right? And you start bearing fruit from your power, people go come eat off your tree, right? So with that said, I wanna wrap up this episode. I wanna thank you guys for tuning in.

Right? And for all the viewers that haven't tuned in yet, much gratitude to you guys for coming in late and coming in aboard. You're right on time. Right? Until the next episode, I'm going to say peace and blessings.