Shadow Work - The Inner Child Healing For Self Acceptance

th Power (: 00:01

Guys, welcome back to the podcast. I am your host, 44th Power. And on today's episode, we'll be dealing with healing your inner child. Right? And so we all know that healing your inner child is the stepping stone to taking back your power. Right? And I know that healing your inner child may sound like some deep concept, but trust me, if you're out here trying to break

If you're out here trying to break patterns or stop self-sabotaging yourself or finally feel like you're in control of your own life, this is where it's gonna start. It's gonna start with the work of you healing yourself first before you actually start to take back your power. See the version of us that struggles with self-doubt, fears of abandonment, that feels the need to prove our worth over and over again, that's not the adult version of yourself.

That's that little kid inside who never got what they needed when they were children. Never got what they needed from their parents or whoever was in charge of the guardian at the time. And so maybe it was love, maybe it was some sense of safety, or maybe it was just the freedom to be who they were without fear of rejection. And if we don't acknowledge that part of us, we'll keep living from those wounds.

repeating those same cycles and wondering why nothing is changing. So healing your inner child is about reconnecting with them, giving them what they never had. Giving that inner child what it never had when it was two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight years old. It's about learning to reparent yourself, to show up for you in the way you always wish that someone else had. And that basically means speaking kindly to yourself, you're setting those boundaries that keep you safe.

Remember that last episode, episode two about boundaries. Most importantly, forgiving yourself for the ways you, for the way you cope just to survive, right? A lot of times we were in survival mode growing up, right? So we brought that survival mode into our adulthood, right? So healing your inner child, this work ain't easy, but let me definitely tell you, when you start doing it, that's when everything shifts. That's when you stop seeking validation from people who don't deserve you, right? That's when you stop letting

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fear control your decisions. That's when you finally step into your power. Not because you're forcing it, but because you've cleared out everything that was blocking you from it. Right? So we got to understand that. When we do the work and we say, I'm going to take my power back. You know, I'm going to take my life back. I'm not being manipulated any longer. You're not going to be able to control me any longer. I'm not your doormat any longer. The root of that, wanting that power back.

comes from healing that inner child, right? And that's the reason why you were subjecting yourself to those things, because that inner child wasn't healed. So that's what today's episode is about. And before I really dive into the episode, I just want you to know, and I do wanna state this, right? Because this is very important, right? What happened to you as that child was not your fault, right? I'm gonna say that again. What happened to you?

When you were that little child, that little boy or that little girl, that was not your fault. Somebody did an injustice to you. And in my situation, growing up, it was my foster mother. She did an injustice to me. Physical abuse, mental abuse. And then how did I learn to cope with that? I kind of pushed my feelings to the side and was doing things that wasn't healthy for me in the long run.

which made me what we call a toxic impound, right? So what happened to you was not your fault, right? So we just have to, I wanna put that out there. That way we know no one's blaming you for what happened, right? And so no one's blaming you for what took place. However, now as adults, we have to say, look, I understand what took place. I understand what happened. I am not going to allow.

those things to control me any longer. I'm gonna start taking my power back. I'm gonna step into my power now. One of the ways to do that, to me, the very first thing is acknowledgement, acknowledging something is wrong and acknowledging, look, I'm ready to take back my power. One of the first things I have to do is have to heal this inner child. I have to heal the little me and let the little me know everything is okay now. I turned out great.

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You know, and I turned out great and I'm gonna use my story as a testimony to help others, right? But we have to do the work first. We have to heal that inner child. And so that's one of the main steps as far as taking, know, stepping into your power. That's at the, you know, to me, that's the foundation, right? So when we speak of healing your inner child, what is that, right? That's just the process of reconnecting with and healing the parts of yourself that were wounded or neglected as a child.

Right and this could help you find self-love inner peace and personal growth So basically you're going back doing a work and a lot of times people call it shadow work but you're going back doing the work and You know whether you're journaling right whether you whether you're doing some mental exercises meditation some mindfulness exercises, right? But you're going back doing that work and now you're saying I'm not living like this any longer. Right? I'm not going loud the abuse any longer, right?

stepping into my power, right? So when we go back and start doing that inner work, we'll see that a lot of times we're taking back control and the person that was doing the controlling, we may become the villain in their story now, which is okay, right? Nothing wrong with that, right? So what is the importance of healing your inner child? Healing your inner child can help you improve your mental health and your well-being. It can also help you develop

healthier coping mechanisms and stronger relationships. And I know when I got into my relationship, I speak on myself, when I got into my relationship, my communication wasn't the best. And I can communicate outside of my relationship. I can communicate with somebody one-on-one easily. That was easy for me. We can talk about an array of different topics. That was easy for me. However, when it came to the relationship piece,

I was the type of person who if I disagreed with something, I wouldn't say anything. Right? Where did that come from? Childhood. Right? So if I disagreed with something, I didn't say anything. I kept putting it to the back burner, putting it to the back burner. And I remember my ex-wife would always say, well, why didn't you say anything? technically she's correct. Why didn't I say anything? Right? So I had to learn that, this is not how I'm supposed to carry myself. This is not how I'm supposed to conduct myself. That's not healthy to the relationship. Right?

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And what I would do, I would kinda go into my own shell, right? Same thing I did when I was a child. I went into my own shell. And I carried that type of behavior into our relationship as well. So that was something that I learned from also, right? So we have to do the work. And I would say do the work before you get into a relationship, right? A lot of times we jump into relationships. Do the work before you get into the relationship. Go back and visit, hey, why am I like this, right?

Why am I carrying on like this? What's going on? Why am I so quick to get upset? So quick to react? So quick to fight? Guess what's happening? Something's being triggered from your inner child. So you gotta go back and sit down and do that work. And you gotta go back and say, how can I make my relationship stronger? Even if you're not in relationship, how can I make my communication stronger? Heal. Do the work. Heal.

heal your inner child. you can take it to the bank. That communication is definitely going to get strong, which will ultimately what? Lead to better relationships. Right? So here's some signs that your inner child may need healing. You see yourself reacting strongly to situations that trigger childhood memories. Right? You see yourself acting to situations that trigger childhood memories. Right?

So a childhood memory could be your parents may not have let you speak up much, right? You had to be quiet, right? Your parents didn't allow you to talk much. It was one of those, you do what I say and be quiet, right? So now as you're older, you feel as if someone's trying to shut you up. What are you gonna do? That's a trigger from childhood. So now what are you gonna do? You're gonna react. And most of the times we're reacting aggressively, right?

Because we feel as if I'm standing up for myself now. I have a voice now, I'm standing up for myself, which is good. But now we gotta know how to fine tune it. You see, we gotta know how to fine tune it and bring it home to the point now we have some emotional intelligence behind it. See, we're not just acting like mad wild animals. We have some kind of emotional intelligence behind it. That's the step we wanna get to. And it starts with healing that inner child.

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And another way, another sign that may possibly show your child, you're in a child needs healing is struggling with low self-esteem, right? So you're letting people, you're being a doormat to people. People walking all over you, your spouse walking over you, your family members walking over you, your coworkers walking over you, your dog walking over you, your dog don't even want to listen to you, right? Telling your dog, let's go, your dog, like I ain't going nowhere, I'm staying right here. You know what saying?

Where's my food? Your dog taking control, right? Walking your dog down the street, he walking you, right? Everybody's controlling you. Your self-esteem is low, right? So now, a lot of times that can lead to depression, right? And we know depression leads to a you know, gateway to other things, right? So low self-esteem is a sign of I need to do some inner child work. I need to do some healing.

I need to do some healing because I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of being a doormat. I'm tired of my spouse not listening to me. I'm tired of feeling like a slave in my own home. But those are some signs that, hey, my self-esteem is low. I need to do some inner work. Another sign is experiencing emotional numbness, anger, or unresolved sadness. Now that emotional numbness hit home.

Right? Because I remember a lot of times when things would happen, I don't even think as a child, my sister used to tell me, brother, I don't remember the last time you cried, even as a child, you would barely cry. I mean, when you get hit and beaten, abused, of course you would cry. But just from an emotional standpoint, if something bothered you as a child, you wouldn't even cry, you wouldn't even let it out. Right? And that's not good because we already know if you hold that stuff in, that stuff can lead to some type of sickness if you don't get that stuff out.

Or it can lead to some type of violence. Luckily for me, it never ended in any kind of violence or sickness. But it could. Because a lot of times, even when you look at the prisons, a lot of times people are in prison due to lack of what? Emotional awareness, anger, numbness that's built in. And they're trying to get it out. But this is the way they're expressing themselves because they don't know any other way. They're all saying, you know better, you do better. If they was aware of any other way,

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Probably they would do better, right? So another way would be difficulty trusting others or forming meaningful relationships, right? So you may have trust issues, right? In your eyes, everybody's bad. Every man's bad, right? I can't find a good man or I can't find a good woman. All of them is bad, right? That's some inner child work that needs to be done, right? And a lot of times, if you're hearing...

You every man is bad or every woman is bad. That means you've been in some relationships where you don't have good judgment of picking a partner, spouse. Again, I can talk about it. I was there. I didn't know how to choose a woman. I didn't know how. I had a woman in my presence growing up. Yeah, I didn't have a nurturer. I didn't have anyone that showed me love and compassion.

Empathy and grace. I didn't have none of that right so I didn't know how to choose a woman so even when I got into my first relationship that went sour right and then when I got married that went sour I didn't know how to choose a woman so I'm choosing I'm choosing things that I didn't like But that's all I knew Right and so then as we grow older right and as we become a little more wiser we say no I don't want that this is not what I want. I want something different

Then that's when you start to make those choices, right? And you start to elevate a little more and a lot of times what they say when you elevate everybody can't go with you, right? So when you elevate you don't know what's gonna happen, but the key is to elevate right you want to elevate right? So you got to do that inner child work and and take care of your mental right? Do the inner child work gain your respect back so you can step into that what ultimate power? Right so some of the benefits of doing that work

Inhaling your inner child again is improved self-esteem, right? You're feeling more confident You walk into that room you demand attention now without saying anything, right? People look at you different people treat you differently, right? And so now you're no longer that doormat that people walking on you become the villain and if you become the villain Trust and believe you've done some work on yourself, right? You're not the

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You're not the villain because you're going around terrorizing people. No, you're the villain because you say hey, I got some stop signs I put up I got some self-esteem I got some stop signs put up and those stop signs are my what boundaries and you better not run that stop sign if you do run that stop sign Forget the ticket. We taking your license away and the license is what we go in this relationship, right? So now your self-esteem is up. You're loving yourself now, right?

That's one of the benefits of what doing that? Healing doing that that shadow work right journaling or that meditation right yoga whatever practices spiritual practice you want to practice there so many Right, but the job is what begin? Realize there's an issue begin Right. What is your what is your body's gonna do your body's gonna feel comfortable sitting in that depression. You got to get up No, we're not gonna be comfortable here. We've got to get up

about to start making some changes, right? And another benefit of healing your inner child is what? Better relationships. communication is going to become much better. You're going to know how to communicate with that person, with your spouse, with your family or your friends, right? Your coworkers. Communication is going to be better. Ultimately in what? Your personal relationship, right? With your significant other, right? Your communication is going to become better. You're going know how to talk to each other.

You're going to know how to respect each other's boundaries. You're going to know how to respect each other's difference of opinions. You're not going to be so judgmental. Communication is key in marriages and relationships. So if you can master that, man, you're ahead of the ball. So another benefit would be emotional resilience. Learn to regulate your emotions, like I mentioned before. A lot of times we get in trouble because what?

React from emotions we get mad. I got to show this dude. I'm tougher than him Okay, but tough to me my opinion the toughest man is the man that knows how to walk away You know how much strength that took? It's easy for somebody to react and hit you that's easy a child could do that, right? That doesn't make you a man Child can hit anybody and walk in and end up, you know going to jail a man does what? assess the situation

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And he understands, look, hey, it doesn't have to go the route that you're aiming for it to go. So I'm going be the bigger man and I'm to walk away. That takes strength, courage, right? Because at the end of the day, you know what you're capable of. But however, you say, I'm going give you some grace, right? And I'm going to walk away, right? I'm walking away, just don't walk behind me. You see what I'm saying? Because now I may not be able to give you that grace, right? So emotional intelligence is one, right?

That's one of the benefits of what? Doing that shadow work, doing that meditation, doing that yoga, becoming a better version of yourself, right? So some of the ways to what? Regulate those emotions would be recognizing your emotions, identifying and understanding your emotions as they arise. Understand what's happening. Understand what you're feeling. Understand somebody made me feel this way just now. I feel disrespected.

But I got enough what emotional intelligence to react this way rather than react the other way because I know the other way is what wrong path. There's nothing good the other way. But if I react this way different story, right? Amen. I don't like the way you, you know, you said X, Y, right? That's different than saying, Hey man, I don't like the way you say X, Y, Z. Pop pop pop next thing you know, some gunshots is being fired behind something crazy behind something that

Didn't have to be. Nine times out of 10, it didn't have to be. So emotional intelligence is key. Emotional intelligence is key. Developing coping strategies. You might come into some deep breathing techniques, some mindfulness like I mentioned before, positive self-talk, affirmations, some physical activity, get in the gym, workout, going to walk, going to jog.

Play some tennis, play some basketball, get in the pool and swim, right? Release some of that, some of that built up energy, right? Do some affirmations, right? That positive self-talk. I am no longer the man I used to be, right? I am great, right? I am magnificent, right? I am walking in my destiny, my purpose in life, right? I am taking my power back and I am standing in my power every day. Give yourself some positive affirmations, you see?

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And that's how you're going learn to what? Self-consciously reprogram yourself. Comes with repetition. Reprogram yourself. Reprogram yourself. Everyday, repetition. Reprogram yourself. And then you're going to start expressing something much different. Expressing something much greater than you were expressing a couple days ago. So one of the ways that I started doing the healing and working on my inner child.

I would do lot of meditation, right? I would do exercise, right? Get in the gym, right? I would go on some walks in the park, right? I would do a lot of things that I liked to do as a child, right? But one of the key things that I did, and I think this was a huge turnaround for me, and it could definitely be a huge turnaround for you, I wrote my inner child or my younger self an actual letter, right? Expressing some of the feelings or some of the...

things that I wanted my inner child to know in the present future today right so it may work for you you know I know different folks different strokes or it may not work for you right but it works for me and I do want to share that letter with today with you guys to give you a you know a glimpse at a glimpse at what I did right and I'll read the letter to you and it goes like this I stated dear little me I see you

I see the fear in your eyes, the confusion in your heart, the way you tried to make sense of a world that felt so unsafe. I know you never understood why the people who were supposed to love you the most hurt you instead. I know how hard you tried to be good, to be perfect, to be everything they wanted, just to feel like you were enough. But let me tell you something.

You made it. Every tear, every moment of doubt, every time you felt invincible, it didn't break you. It shaped you. It made you the man I am today. A man who has walked through the fire and came out stronger. A man who no longer seeks approval from those who couldn't see his worth. A man who learned that love isn't something you have to beg for.

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It's something you give to yourself first. I need you to know that your pain had a purpose. Today, you are an inspiration to so many. People look to you as proof that healing is possible. That transformation is real. Your story, the one you once wished was different, is now the very thing that lights the way for others. And yeah, to some, you're the villain. That's the price of choosing yourself.

That's the price of setting boundaries and demanding respect. But that just means you're no longer playing small. You are no longer sacrificing yourself to make others comfortable. And that, that is power. I want you to hear this loud and clear. You are worthy. You are enough. You always have been. And now you are standing in your truth unapologetically. You are no longer just surviving. You are

thriving. So to the little boy who endures so much, I honor you, I thank you, and I promise to keep living in a way that makes you proud. With all my love and respect, me, the man you became." That's the letter I wrote to myself. And it did so much healing for me, right? Shedded some tears when I was writing it, of course, right? Shedded some tears when I read it a few times, of course.

But at the end of the day, needed to be done. And then when it was done, man, I feel like a powerful man. It's time to put the show in motion now. Time to put the show in motion. So when I read that letter, that was the letter that made me say, I'm gonna begin stepping into my power now. I'm gonna make the little me proud because he went through that for a purpose. The world needs healing. But he had to endure. So the present me today,

could take part in the healing that the world needs. But the little me had to endure, why? So I can feel what that hurt feels like. But now that I know, look, today I'm not gonna sit in it, because it was done for a purpose. And I realized the purpose that it was done for, now what am I doing? I'm gonna use it to my advantage now. I understand it now. So now that I understand it, I can speak on it. I can talk to it. I can talk to the man next to me now, give him some words of encouragement.

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So, hey, when I wrote that letter, that was powerful for me, right? So whatever you have to do to walk or heal your inner child so you can stand in that power, do it. Whatever you have to do. If you have to go talk to somebody, go ahead, right? Me, I couldn't go speak to my foster mother, she passed, right? So when I came into this power, into this knowledge, into this wisdom, into this healing, she was no longer present, right?

But my inner child is here all the time, right? So that's the person that I can talk to. That's the person I can give those positive affirmations to. That's the person I can thank, right? I thank you for enduring that. It made me who I am today, right? It made me the empath that I am today, right? I had to get rid of the toxic part, toxic empath part, right? So now I'm just an empath, right? It made me wise. It made me aware.

You know, when you become aware of what? You know better, you do better, right? So I thank my inner self for going through that, for dealing with that pain and that heartache and that misery and that torture, right? Because what? Ultimately, it made me a better person, right? It made me who I am today, right? So that's what we have to do. We have to heal that inner child, do that work, do that shadow work. And I know it's not one size fits all, right? Some people may need...

You know, something extra. They may need counseling, therapy. You know, I'm not a counselor, I'm not a therapist, right? But what am I? I'm a guy that been in the trenches with you. I've been there, right? I lived it, right? I can speak on it, right? I don't need nothing on my wall telling me what I can and can't speak about, right? I can speak on it because I lived it, right? First hand, right? I know how it feel, right? I know how it feel to not be giving food for days, right? I know how that feels, right?

So a lot of people don't know how that feel. I can speak on that. You know what I'm saying? So hey, this gonna wrap up the show. Man, I hope somebody got some food out of this, right? Some spiritual food. And I appreciate the listeners. I wanna show much gratitude and much love, right? Much gratitude and much love for the listeners. I definitely appreciate it. For the ones that's not listening yet, that's coming aboard at a later date, I thank you too, right?

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With that said, want to give you some encouragement. Stand in your power. Take back your control. Take back your life. Stop being a doormat. You deserve better. So go get what you deserve. Until next time. Peace.